What a 16-Year-Old Taught Me About Leadership

When Judith M Markgraf-Bye gave her 16-year-old son Erik a copy of my book The Sins and Wins of Inclusive Leadership, I assumed it would land the way leadership books usually land with teenagers: admired politely, skimmed lightly, maybe placed on a shelf next to school binders and video game controllers.

I did not expect to be humbled.

But Erik - calm, thoughtful, funny, and sharp - read it, reflected on it, and reached back out to me with insights that would put some seasoned executives to shame.

We had a conversation I’ll never forget. Here’s what he taught me.

“I want to be seen as a good guy.”

That’s how Erik started. When I asked what drew him to the book, he said:

“I like to motivate others... I want to be seen as a good guy. A person who cares about his friends - even strangers.”

He didn’t say he wanted to be “a boss.” He didn’t say he wanted to be in charge. He said he wanted to understand how others saw him, and learn to lead better from their perspective.

That’s not just emotional intelligence. That’s emotional maturity. And Erik’s generation is growing up with it baked in.

“Not everybody gets seen.”

Erik was struck by a story in the book about the importance of acknowledging someone’s experience. That story resonated because he sees the opposite happening at school:

“There are more quiet people in my class… and they often get set with assignments they don’t want to do. If somebody who doesn’t talk a lot doesn’t like drawing, they still get put on drawing.”

Instead of accepting that as “just the way school works,” Erik takes initiative. He seeks out classmates like Fredrik (not his real name) - someone quieter, less socially integrated - and talks to them one-on-one.

“I asked him, ‘What do you need from me? What can I do for you?’ He started talking a lot… he said, ‘I don’t want to do this. I’d much rather do this other part. I’m better at this.’ So I acknowledged what he was good at.”

That’s textbook inclusive leadership. From a 16-year-old.

“It’s really hard to make friends… especially for boys.”

When I asked Erik what inclusion meant to him, he didn’t skip a beat. He brought it straight to social life:

“In Norway, it can be really hard to make friends… especially at my age. The boys? They’re very bad at including people.”

He explained how fixed social groups become, how difficult it is to break into them, and how easy it is for someone to be left out, especially someone who doesn’t fit the mold.

“It’s often the same boys who go to parties together. They don’t like to include the smaller guys. And I think that’s such a stupid reason.”

He shared how one of his best friends was excluded from New Year’s Eve plans. So Erik invited him.

That’s the kind of allyship we often hope leaders will practice. Erik just does it.

“Be open to new ideas.”

Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Erik what advice he’d give a global CEO.

His answer?

“Be open to new ideas. The world is changing rapidly. If you learn new tools, you get an advantage.”

He used AI as an example, how embracing change, even when it’s uncomfortable, is a competitive advantage. His framing was future-oriented, optimistic, and practical. This is what we ask of senior leaders every day. Erik gets it.

Final Words

When I asked what kind of leader he wants to become, Erik didn’t say, “famous” or “powerful.”

He said:

“I want to build a good circle around me… I’ve been told that you become your circle. And if I’m surrounded by good people, nice people, people who have good values, I think that will help me achieve my goal.”

I’ve worked with thousands of leaders, executives, politicians, startup founders, and I mean this sincerely:

Erik is already one of them.

He doesn’t need a title. He already leads with empathy, initiative, and integrity.

And if this is the future of leadership, we’re in very good hands.

P.S. To everyone who’s ever handed this book to their child: thank you. I wrote it for CEOs. But it turns out some of the most powerful readers haven’t even graduated high school yet.

Let’s make room for them. They’re ready.