Cold Boss or Office Mom? The Toxic Labels Holding Women Back
It’s a story I've heard from so many women in leadership: If you’re too assertive, you’re labeled cold or aggressive, and if you’re too nurturing, you’re cast as the office "mom." This Catch-22 puts women leaders, especially women of color, in a constant battle to balance warmth and authority. Meanwhile, their male counterparts don’t face the same dilemma. In fact, men are often rewarded for behaviors that penalize women—empathy makes them seem approachable and beloved, while being cold is seen as a sign of strength and drive.
The Leadership Double Standard
Women leaders walk a fine line between being too "soft" or too "harsh." They are expected to manage with empathy, yet any deviation from a stereotypically nurturing role is met with criticism. As I've been told by leaders like Belén Luna Sanz, Julia Goering, Patricia Auseth, Ingrid Woodhouse, and Beate Nygardshaug, there’s power in staying authentic and leading from a place of inclusion and balance, rather than conforming to outdated molds of leadership. Their approach to leadership reflects strength through empathy, decisiveness with care, and a commitment to leading inclusively.
At the intersection of gender and race, the situation worsens. Women of color face compounded bias, where they are often seen through a harsher lens and judged more negatively. Men, on the other hand, are praised no matter how they choose to lead. When they show empathy, they are celebrated for being approachable and caring, and when they are cold, they’re admired for their stoicism and strength.
Key Takeaways
Toxic Traits for Survival: Women often feel pressured to adopt traditionally masculine traits, perpetuating a cycle of toxic leadership.
Intersectionality Matters: The biases faced by women leaders are heightened for women of color, who experience multiple layers of discrimination.
Men vs. Women: Men are rewarded for empathy and stoicism alike, while women can be penalized for both.
Lesson Learned
Don’t trade authenticity for authority. Confidence isn’t cold, and kindness isn’t weakness!
P.S. Shout out to leaders like Belén Luna Sanz, Julia Goering, Patricia Auseth, Ingrid Woodhouse, and Beate Nygardshaug—who show us that you don’t have to choose between empathy and effectiveness. How are you navigating this Catch-22? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!
